Diagnosis Is Not an Endpoint. It Is a Starting Point.
Understanding Identity After Autism Diagnosis
In my experience – both personally and professionally – when autistic adults receive a diagnosis, people often assume clarity arrives overnight. In reality, it rarely feels that simple. Nothing about your personality has changed. Your history is the same. Your nervous system is exactly as it was the day before. And yet, in some ways, everything feels different. That tension – between “nothing has changed” and “everything feels changed” – is often where the real work begins.
When we were developing the Empower Autism course as a team of neurodivergent delivery partners, commissioned as part of the Derbyshire Autism Empowerment, Support and Education programme, we spent time reflecting on what genuinely matters in post-diagnostic support. Between us, we had different lived experiences, including childhood diagnosis and adult diagnosis, and different professional backgrounds. Identity rose quickly to the top of the list. Not productivity tools. Not systems. Not even reasonable adjustments. (although they are equally important and explored fully elsewhere in the programme)
Identity.
Because one of the most common questions autistic adults ask after diagnosis is, “Who am I now?” Or perhaps more accurately, “Who have I always been?”
For many people, diagnosis brings relief and validation. It can explain years of feeling different without knowing why. It can soften self-criticism and reframe experiences that once felt like personal failings. It can also bring grief – grief for the misunderstandings, for the energy spent masking, for the years spent trying to “fix” something that was never broken.
Masking does not disappear the moment a diagnosis is given. Many adults continue to move through workplaces, friendships and family life still trying to fit in. But diagnosis introduces awareness, and awareness often leads to deeper identity questions. If my directness isn’t rudeness, what is it? If my sensory overwhelm isn’t weakness, what does it tell me? If my intense focus is a strength, how do I use it well? Understanding traits is one thing. Integrating them into your sense of self is another.
For me personally, accepting my autism diagnosis brought tears of relief and validation. It helped me make sense of so much of my life. Things felt as though they came full circle when I later received my ADHD diagnosis; that filled in some of the “missing” pieces and gave me a more complete picture of how my brain works – something I’m still learning and embracing every day. That experience deepened my understanding of why identity work matters. Diagnosis is not an endpoint. It is a starting point.
Identity is not about collecting labels. It is about recognising patterns, strengths, challenges, needs and values – and learning to hold them with accuracy and compassion. When we begin Empower Autism with understanding autism and building self-identity, it is intentional. Before we explore executive function strategies, communication tools or reasonable adjustments, we create space for reflection. What myths have I internalised? Which narratives about myself were never mine to carry? Which strengths have I minimised? Which differences have I misunderstood?
This matters not only for autistic adults, but for the people around them. Identity is something we all renegotiate throughout life. Transitions – moving into adulthood, starting work, becoming a parent, entering or leaving relationships, changing career -invite us to revisit who we are and how we function. For autistic people, those transitions can feel particularly complex. A neurodivergent brain may process sensory input differently, manage energy differently, or experience social interaction more intensely. Without understanding that, life transitions can become overwhelming rather than developmental.
With understanding, they can become empowering.
Identity work allows people to shift from “What is wrong with me?” to “How does my brain work – and how can I work with it?” That shift does not happen instantly. Integration takes time. It requires reflection, sometimes unlearning, and often self-compassion. But when autistic adults begin to recognise their traits as part of who they are and not flaws to conceal, something steadies. Self-advocacy becomes clearer. Adjustments feel justified rather than apologetic. Boundaries feel more grounded.
Lived experience informs how I facilitate this work, but it does not replace professional knowledge; it strengthens it. It allows me to translate theory into practice, and to support people not just to understand autism, but to understand themselves.
And that is why we begin here.
If any of this resonates, you’re welcome to share your thoughts or reflections. Whether you’re newly diagnosed, further along in your journey, or simply interested in understanding more, identity work is rarely linear – but it can be transformative.