Why Not Now? Building Habits with Kindness, Curiosity, and Music in My Ears

---

There’s a popular idea that habits are all about willpower—but I’ve found it’s more about scaffolding than sheer strength.

Similarly, there’s often a lot of focus on getting rid of bad habits. But what about building good ones?

As a Neurodivergent adult juggling family, work, and my own wellbeing, I’ve noticed that following habits and routines can feel quite restricting. I want to make good choices and have some sort of routine—yet the thought of having to do something regularly feels boring, and like a demand… even if it’s self-imposed. So how does one navigate that?!

Different things are going to work for different people when it comes to habits. And I’ve done a LOT of work and reading around this area. I’ve always been successful in helping others manage their habits—but myself? NOPE.

However, what I’ve discovered is that building sustainable habits isn’t about doing more—it’s about doing things differently.

For me, the secret ingredients are routine, reward, and compassion.

Let’s take walking as an example.

In April and May, I only hit my step goal on 14 days each month. I wasn’t failing—I was just floating, doing what I could. But in June, something shifted. I anchored my walks to a routine and made them feel good by curating specific playlists I genuinely looked forward to. I gave my body something to enjoy while moving.

And you know what? I only missed my step goal once in June.

That’s not about motivation. That’s about design:

• I anchored the habit to something familiar (my daily schedule).

• I made it appealing (hello, epic walk playlists).

• I kept the demand low (no pressure, just progress).

This isn’t a magic fix for everything. I’m still trying to crack the code on a consistent full face-and-teeth routine twice a day. It feels silly to admit how hard that is—but for many neurodivergent people (myself included), tasks like that aren’t “basic hygiene.” They’re complex executive function challenges, and things I have to work at every day to make sure they get done.

That’s why the most important habit I’ve discovered is kindness—
Kindness toward myself.
Kindness toward my brain.
Kindness toward the process.

A lot of people make changes after a health scare. For me, it was the opposite. I had a recent doctor’s appointment that actually went better than I expected. No scary warnings, no urgent wake-up call. Just a quiet little voice that said:

“We’re doing OK… let’s see if we can feel even better.”

That was enough to nudge me forward—towards walking more, tracking my food gently, and paying more attention to nutrition. Not because I’m scared of what could go wrong, but because I’m curious about what could go right.

It reminds me of what positive psychology teaches us:
It’s not just about avoiding the bad. It’s about building the good.

So, if you’re thinking about starting something—whether it’s a habit, a hobby, or a hopeful change—maybe ask yourself not “What if I fail?” but instead:

Why not now?