I teach regulation strategies as part of my role — and I still forget to use them.
Today I was delivering a training session around regulation, mindset, and rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD). As part of the session, we talked about strategies that can help in the moment when emotions feel overwhelming. One of the participants asked, “How can we remember to use these strategies in the moment?” and this is such a great question!
I was very honest with the group – I don’t remember to use strategies every single time either. In fact, I’d be incredibly impressed if I did.
That doesn’t mean the strategies don’t work. It doesn’t mean I don’t believe in them. It just means that being human – and particularly being neurodivergent – means that sometimes accessing the strategy is the difficult part. Knowing something and being able to access it in the moment are two very different things, and I think that’s something we don’t talk about enough.
A lot of people, regardless of their neurotype, already know what helps them, and this could be:
- Grounding
- Breathing exercises
- Movement
- Sensory regulation or Stimming
- Reframing thoughts
- Taking breaks
- Using reminders
Sometimes, the exact moment these strategies are needed the most, the brain often can’t easily retrieve them, and that’s not because they’re failing or aren’t trying. Stress, overwhelm, anxiety, shame, frustration, rejection sensitivity, and dysregulation all affect access to thinking, memory, processing, and flexible problem-solving.
Sometimes the barrier isn’t not knowing what helps, it’s remembering that help exists at the exact moment your brain needs it.
That’s something I notice in myself too. The interesting thing is that because regulation and wellbeing are part of my work, I’m constantly around this information. I’m teaching it, talking about it, writing about it, discussing it with clients, answering questions about it. So in some ways, my environment is already cueing these ideas for me all the time. The moments I struggle most are often when I’m outside of that environment.
This got me thinking during the session:
How do we actually support neurodivergent people to remember and access the strategies that help them?
Sometimes we need to make strategies more visible, more familiar, and easier to access. One thing I often suggest is practising techniques when you’re not overwhelmed. Not because you should constantly be “working on yourself”, but because familiarity matters. If a strategy only appears when you’re already dysregulated, stressed, or emotionally flooded, it can feel unreachable. However, if it already feels normal, known, and familiar, your brain may find it easier to access under pressure.
It’s a bit like creating pathways your brain recognises. Below, I’ve listed some of the different ways (plus examples) of how we can incorporate this into our daily lives. This list is by no means exhaustive, but accessible:
- Having a one-page “what helps me” list on your phone
- Using Notes, Google Keep, or widgets as visual prompts
- Creating a small regulation toolkit
- Keeping grounding strategies somewhere visible
- Setting gentle reminders
- Attaching strategies to routines you already do automatically
What this looks like in real life will be different for everyone, and honestly, it doesn’t have to be complicated or perfectly organised to still be helpful.
For some people, a one-page “what helps me” list on their phone might literally just be a Notes app page with reminders like:
- Go outside for five minutes
- Put headphones on
- Drink something cold
- Message someone safe
- Don’t make decisions while overwhelmed
- Eat something
- Breathe slower, not deeper
Not because they don’t already know these things, but because sometimes dysregulation affects access to information you already have. Some people might use widgets or visual reminders on their phone home screen so strategies are visible without having to search for them. Because often, if something takes too many steps to access, it becomes much harder to use when stressed or overwhelmed.
For others, it might look like having physical prompts in the environment:
- a comfort item nearby
- a grounding object on a desk
- a written reminder on the fridge
- noise cancelling headphones visible rather than put away in a drawer
- fidget items within reach
- a reminder card in a wallet or bag
Sometimes it’s less about “remembering independently” and more about reducing the amount your brain has to hold internally all at once.
A regulation toolkit can also be really personal and doesn’t have to look like something from social media.
For one person, that might be:
- headphones
- chewing gum
- sunglasses
- a weighted blanket
- a playlist
- a familiar scent
- comfortable clothing
- a list of grounding prompts
For someone else, it might be:
- movement
- humour
- a hot drink
- sitting in the car alone for ten minutes before going inside
- listening to the same song repeatedly
- stepping outside for air
- playing a familiar game on their phone
A lot of neurodivergent people naturally develop regulation strategies already, even if they don’t always label them that way.
Another thing that can help is attaching strategies to routines that already exist instead of trying to create entirely new habits from scratch. One example I gave in the session was using small waiting moments as anchors.
For example:
- taking a breathing pause while waiting for the kettle
- unclenching your jaw at traffic lights
- checking in with yourself when opening your laptop
- stretching while waiting for food to cook
- reviewing your “what helps” list before bed
- using the bathroom as a reminder to reset briefly during the day
These tiny moments matter because they reduce the pressure of needing to suddenly remember strategies in the middle of overwhelm.
Importantly, none of this is about “fixing yourself” or becoming perfectly regulated all the time. It’s about recognising that neurodivergent brains often benefit from external supports, visibility, repetition, familiarity, and reducing cognitive load where possible.
Many neurodivergent people already spend huge amounts of energy trying to mentally hold onto information, routines, tasks, emotions, expectations, coping tools, and social demands all at once, and externalising some of that load isn’t cheating. It’s support, and I think that’s important.
There can sometimes be an unspoken assumption that if somebody “knows” a strategy, they should automatically use it consistently, but real life doesn’t work like that. Even as somebody who teaches this material professionally, there are still moments where I only realise afterwards: “Oh. That would have helped.”
You know what though? That’s OK. The goal isn’t perfect emotional regulation or remembering every coping strategy every single time. The goal is building enough awareness, familiarity, support, and self-compassion that these strategies become more accessible over time, through repetition, visibility, and understanding how neurodivergent brains often work in the real world.
Sometimes support isn’t about learning something new, but about helping ourselves access what we already know.